Yesterday
Yesterday, my grandma was discharged from the hospital. Still, even after tons of examination done, they still can't find where her bleeding is. Well, she lost about 5 packs of blood (about half of the blood a normal human has) and continuously loosing them along the way. The doctors, even my Gastro-something doctor of a cousin says that the bleeding "might be" in the small intestine. But knowing Philippines as a third world country, even St. Luke doesn't have that apparatus they use to peek through the small intestine. As far as we were told, the only places that has this said apparatus are the US, of course, Hong Kong, and some other country that I forgot. So basically, our only option left is to bring her to the hospital every week for a check up and to get her a new pack of blood, if it's needed.
With all these happening, it amazes me of how fast news could travel and reach people that were thought of as "long forgotten no news or whatsoever and can't be contacted anymore" which are my uncles and aunts who came by for a visit. It also amazes me of how old people could be so childish as to crack a joke that isn't even funny. But what amazes me most is that for the sake of a person she loves so much, someone with such a high pride could actually bear the insult.
Last Week
Mid last week, Lolo's wife, Tita Rita, was sent to the hospital. Lolo's face reflected both pain and relief. Pain for what happened to Tita Rita and relief that she's fine after the examinations. Seeing Lolo's face that week made me think hard and wonder. If I would be in such a tight situation, with mixed feelings, where I'm stuck in the middle and do not know where to go, where no matter how hard I try, I couldn't do anything but to stand by and watch someone painfully and wait, I wondered then if would I call on His name for help and once again and start to believe that there's someone somewhere who's watching.
Last Saturday morning, we received a call from my cousin, Yan that our grandmother was sent to the ER. Luckily, I was done with the moving, arranging and cleaning of my stuffs to my new pad that Friday night. We rushed to the hospital to find out what happened and how she's doing so far. When we arrive, she can't move nor speak. Her eyes were open but she doesn't recognize us. It's as if she doesn't even see us. We stayed there for a few hours and left right after. While on the way home, I thought that feeling that same pain was very quick to hit me back. I'm on that edge of being helpless again where I can't do anything but stay silent and wait for the results. The feeling of those hours were like years and waiting for those decade-like days were painful that it nulled my entire body. Then and there, it reminded me of that same thought I was having - on this same situation, would I end up kneeling down and pray?
Then, the next day, as we were talking with my cousin, she was saying that at worst case, she could end up in a comma. If that would be the case, she says, she would be better off dead than in pain. I agree to her point that if she would live the remains of hr life in pain, it would be better for her to just die instead of suffer, but of course, I remained silent. My mom, however, disagreed and went on a rampage. She said, who are we to question what God has decided. God gave her life, who are we to just take it like that. I wanted to tell her that if God gave her a life where she suffers so much pain and she doesn't even have a choice but to just accept it, where she can't even move for a fact, then God is cruel. But of course, like usual, I remained silent. As they were arguing in the phone, I left to take a bath. As I was in deep thoughts and wondering what would happen in a few days and thought if somewhere deep inside me, do I still believe in God? After a while of thinking, as I was drying myself, I realized that a divine being, no matter how small or big something came to me, is something I will no longer have faith in. Evey single thing, no matter the size of it, it will need our own efforts, our own strength to go through and putting it all up to a divine being would be the same as having someone by your side. Having God hear your burdens is the same as sharing your pains with your friends and family. To make it simpler, it's like wanting someone to hear you and be there for you to make you feel a little better.
Then and there, I thought that if God was real, I would feel pity over him. That people just call unto him whenever it is convenient for them. When people are at the edge of everything else, they would remember to call his name, other than that, it's as if, he isn't even there.
PS: My grandma's fine now. :)
Resignation: Messages
Para sa mga maiiwan:
Kuya Bry,
Mababawasan yung makiki-hitch sayo niyan, pauwi at aaga na uwi mo. :P Wala ka na ring katabing nangugulit palagi.
Kuya Glenn,
Wala ka nang tutulugan kapag tinatamad kang magtrabaho. You'll miss me, I am very confident that you'll really miss me. Wag mo akong kalimutan when you get to SG. And please say hi to Cathei and Jeromee for me! ^_^
Rosie,
Wag kang iiyak ha. Mababawasan nang 1/2 yung mang-aapi sayo. Kasi, 1/2 lang ang value ko!! >_<
Jones,
Mababawasan na yung mga inaapi mo. Err.. nang 1/2 din. Ahaha!
Sir Dino,
Mauuna na po ako. :)
Auntie Lis,
May utang pa ba ako? Salamat sa lahat! Mamimiss ko kayo, chaka yung stocks niyo ng Mister Chips. <3
Drew,
Galaw-galaw lang po. Sana maisipan niyong bumalik na rin ng Manila. Chaka ang daya niyo po, hindi ko na magagamit yung sumasayaw na chibi Naruto sa pd domain.
Cy-cy,
Tatahimik ng malaki ang buhay mo diyan. Wala ng makulit, wala nang mambabato sayo ng kung anu-ano. Yung Granado Espada ko asan na?! :D
Yam-yam,
Uhmm... *sigh* Ahaha! Last supply ko na to ng chocolate sayo.
Dhon,
Tatagal ka kaya sa Auction? Abangan! ^_^
Kuya Mike,
Kaya mo yan! Sorry kung tinambak sayo yung mga trabaho ko. >_<
Chej,
Sunod ka rito ha! ^_^
Kuya Alex,
Akin na lang yung shirt mo na galing Hong Kong.
Kuya Rey,
Lalaki din ako! .... uhmm... balang araw. >_<
Pareng Eds,
Yo, pare. Easy ka lang diyan. :D
Gerry (a.k.a. Pooh-ciao),
Wala ka nang ka-batch. Ako na ang last sa mga ka-batch mo. Musta laban? Ahaha!
Kuya Kuya (Kelvin),
Nasa DA pa rin ako, stalking you. :evil:
Noy,
Wag masyadong dibdibin yang trabaho, ikaw rin.
Ma'am Rixie,
Huminga ka naman diyan! Ingat lagi! :D
Sir Jay,
Kita na lang tayo dito! ;)
Ma'am Ria,
Balita ko, mag-isa ka na lang diyan... Kaya mo yan. :P
Mark,
Normal na tao ka na ulit. Nakikita na kita ng may araw pa!
Boss Chief,
Hindi mo na ako makikitang nag-o-OT. Good luck sa bicycle race mo! >_<
Sa mga wala sa listahan, eto ang mga posibleng rason:
- Nakalimutan kita.
- Hindi ka especial sakin and/or wala ka significance sa buhay ko.
- Hindi tayo close, 'day.
- Hindi kita feel kasi -
- Tupperware ka. Hindi lang basta plastic, Tupperware na. But of course, pwede ka pang mag-evolve into Orocan.
- Sobrang chismosa ka, pakialamera, etc. Seriously, paki mo ba?
- Sobrang ingay mo. Yung bang tipong voice range umaabot hanggang kabilang building. At note, bulong pa lang yan ha.
- Feeling ka. You know, feeling magaling, feeling kagandahan, at kung anu-ano pang chuva.
- Bago ka lang sa Auction.ph.
- Wala akong masabi sayo.
Take your pick. Tandaan, I did not mention names. Bahala ka na kung sang mo ilalagay yung sarili mo. Bato-bato sa langit, yung tatamaan, tamaan sana ulit. Kung pwede sana, yung mas malaking bato. Yung bang boulder yung laki para mas effective.
R.I.P.
Euri
(2006-2008)
Resignation: Response
In response to the reactions with regards to my resignation:
It's true that there are things in Auction.ph that would make you not want to leave. But then, limiting yourself at one place is not good. When you think about it rationally, confining yourself to what you currently are and not striving for another higher goal is like turning yourself into a robot that does things again and again without fail. I am not a passive type of person, as you might already be aware of. I prefer dominance. I prefer to seize everything my hands could reach - each and every opportunity. If I think of things such as staying for other people's sake, what about me? What about my feelings? What about the things I wanted to do? I don't want to lock myself up in half-baked feelings that I would stick around because of being around in a place where I am treated well. You see, no matter how much you wanted to stay, when it's time for you to go, you have to go.
If I don't go out that door, I can never see what lies behind it. I would always keep on staring at that tall wood in front of me and just imagine the things that I would see behind that door. If I don't go out that door, how will I be able to see what's outside? How would I know if the sun's rays are really warm, if the sky is really blue and clouds are really white? If the door was left slightly opened for you, wouldn't you want to take a peek at it? Of course, at some point I am afraid of the things I might see behind that door. Boogie monster might be behind it. Satan might be sitting behind it staring at me. And at worst case, Barney (I hate purple gay tone deaf dinosaurs) might be behind it singing "I love you, you love me..." No matter what things I might see behind it, I could only gather up my courage and open it and see for myself. If I don't, as I have said earlier, would I just waste away staring at that door?
If I fail, I could always try again. If I fall, and stumble, I could always get myself up and face forward. But if I remained locked inside that room, I would die full of regret.
This is not about the FKs. Who the fuck gives a damn about them? To hell with them. This is about me, what I wanted to do with my fucking life. How far I wanna run. How high I wanna fly. Even if you chain both my feet down to the ground, I will free myself. Even if it means I would have to break free bleeding. Even if I would be left out with no choice but to cut away my feet.
Resignation: Letter
An edited version of my resignation letter.
--
Dear Sir Max,
I am very regretful to inform you of my decision to resign my position as Programmer from Auction.ph hopefully to be effective 31st of January, 2008.
I have enjoyed working in Auction.ph as both part of the UED and PD Divisions of R&D. In Auction.ph, I learned a lot of things. I am also very grateful for your advices to me when I first transfered to PD. Sometimes, I hate the fact that you always forget important things like our current projects' development and launching, the way you make our Gantt chart is quite messed up with conflicting projects, that it's very hard to get your signature because you're always not around, etc. But considering the fact that you are very very busy, I sort of understand too. Despite of all these, as a professional, I honestly look up to you. Really, with no strings attached. Even though you are very busy, handles many things, and manages all of us simultaneously, I never heard you complain about anything. You do makes some gestures like brushing your hair from the side of your head with a "sstt!" sound, when problems occur and such. But other that that, you're generally the kind person type.
In Auction.ph I also found beautiful people that care for me. Even though they say I am scary, *pout* they stick with me and support me all the way. At that very same place, I also found a lot of cool people where your jaw would really drop of awesomeness like Kuya Jeromee, Kuya Bobby, Kuya Marlon-ee, Kuya Bryan-ee, Drew-ee, etc. (I just want them to be consistent in the ee and ie sound) and it's also where you'll find kick as people (a.k.a pasaway to the max) like Sir Dino, Ma'am Ex, Ma'am Ria, Sir Glenn, Ma'am Cathei, Ma'am Jones, Ma'am Rosie (consistency, consistency... :P). Generally, being in Auction.ph is something worth being thankful for. I thinks...
I am very grateful for the opportunity that Auction.ph Corp. has given to me. I wish for the future success of the company.
Respectfully,
Euri
Ex-Prototyper (UED) and ex -Programmer (PD)
Auction.ph Corporation
Level 5
I am planning to move out on my own. I guess, I've finally reached level 5 of my life. Only, I've reached it with 50/200 lifespan left of me. In real life, you wont get life bonus when you leveled up. You have to regain it yourself. So I guess, it can't be helped. By the time I found an inn to crash on, my lifespan would regain to full life. By then, I'll be all out with 100/100 full of mana as well! I'll be rocking the world and head out for a new quest.
I'm very enthusiastic about this. ^_^/
I Thinks...
Eep! Eep! Eep!
Hold on, hold it, hold it!
I said, stop. Stop. SSTTTOOOO~P!!
*huff* *huff*
Can you please repeat that?
I thinks...
Ooop! No, you don't, liar! Liars go to hell! Liars go to hell~!
:P
Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
Carlo sat beside me today. He's so cute. Sabi niya I'm pretty. Kaya lang, I'm...
Err... got carried away. :P
Again, again, again.
Dear Diary,
Today, we launched Coupon 16. Did you know, I was pissed, pissed, pissed and pissed? Then, I was pissed and pissed and pissed. Have you realized that I'm pissed, pissed and pissed? And then, pissed and pissed and pissed again. After that, I was pissed and was pissed and was pissed.
Oh, have I mentioned that I'm pissed?
Friendship
When I needed you most,
You weren't there.
I was crying alone,
I was bleeding alone.
When you needed me,
I didn't know.
How am I suppose to know?
You didn't tell me.
I thought you care for me.
I thought you love me.
But you were not there,
Your presence was never there.
I am not a fortune teller.
Nor am I a psychologist.
I can't tell how you feel,
Unless you tell me.
You turned your back on me
And left me all alone.
Even the world turned its back on me.
And I felt so betrayed, so crushed.
I never left and was always by your side.
You just didn't notice that I was there.
Never did I turned my back on you.
It was you who turned your back on to the world.
I can't see your face -
All I see is darkness.
I can't hear your words -
My world is in deafening silence.
As I see you lay there,
Cold, pale and unmoving.
Your beautiful face will be forever marked
Unchanging in my memory.
I am here in front of you,
Can't you see me?
I am holding your hands,
Can't you feel me?
I never wished you to give up on life.
I wanted to always be beside you.
But you never trusted me.
You never believed in me.
Please don't cry.
It's painful to see your tears.
Please be happy,
This is forever goodbye.
New ID
To all:
As you may have noticed, I've changed YIM, MSN and Gtalk to shisama13, @yahoo, @hotmail and @gmail, respectively. If in case you did not receive my note, please add me to those accounts instead.
There's been a lot of spamming and flooding in my previous accounts (especially in my YIM). If you are one of those people who had been flooding me in the past, you are definitely in my ignore list, now.
Euri (yu-ri) is a unique specie of the 
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