Friendship
When I needed you most,
You weren't there.
I was crying alone,
I was bleeding alone.
When you needed me,
I didn't know.
How am I suppose to know?
You didn't tell me.
I thought you care for me.
I thought you love me.
But you were not there,
Your presence was never there.
I am not a fortune teller.
Nor am I a psychologist.
I can't tell how you feel,
Unless you tell me.
You turned your back on me
And left me all alone.
Even the world turned its back on me.
And I felt so betrayed, so crushed.
I never left and was always by your side.
You just didn't notice that I was there.
Never did I turned my back on you.
It was you who turned your back on to the world.
I can't see your face -
All I see is darkness.
I can't hear your words -
My world is in deafening silence.
As I see you lay there,
Cold, pale and unmoving.
Your beautiful face will be forever marked
Unchanging in my memory.
I am here in front of you,
Can't you see me?
I am holding your hands,
Can't you feel me?
I never wished you to give up on life.
I wanted to always be beside you.
But you never trusted me.
You never believed in me.
Please don't cry.
It's painful to see your tears.
Please be happy,
This is forever goodbye.
New ID
To all:
As you may have noticed, I've changed YIM, MSN and Gtalk to shisama13, @yahoo, @hotmail and @gmail, respectively. If in case you did not receive my note, please add me to those accounts instead.
There's been a lot of spamming and flooding in my previous accounts (especially in my YIM). If you are one of those people who had been flooding me in the past, you are definitely in my ignore list, now.
Pure White Wings
Pure white wings,
Carry me to the sky.
Where I could breathe the fresh air,
Where I could feel the gentle wind.
Pure white wings,
Fly me higher to the sun.
Where I could feel the warm breeze,
Where the light is blinding.
Pure white wings,
Do not fall down.
To the earth that is barren.
To the soil that's full of sin.
Pure white wings,
Why are you broken?
Your once clean feathers
Are now filled with stains of blood.
Pure white wings,
Did you try to break out?
From this cold rusty cage,
From this empty lifeless place?
Pure white wings,
You are bleeding again.
Was God hands too tight?
Was God arms too long?
Pure white wings,
Please don't stab your wounds.
Your wound might heal,
But your scar - it will not.
Last New Year's Eve
Last new year's eve, as I went around blog hopping. As I read George's Looking Back: 2007, Part 1 post, I stared to think back of my own and wanted to blog about it. But as I think back, I couldn't think of anything. It makes me think that nothing significant ever happened to me the past year. And that it's like just another year passing for me.
With this thought, it makes me feel frightened of what would happen to me in the following years. Will I find that something I really wanted to do or I would end up just like most of the people who live their life ordinarily?
Happy Holidays 2007!
Aww... My ear drum's going to burst. One thing I hate about Christmas is when kids sing Christmas carols outside of your house, totally tone deaf and unsynchronized. The best remedy for this is Maximum the Hormone's Chu Chu Lovely Muni Muni Mura Mura Purin Purin Boron Nurururerorero. 
:love:
Anyway, happy happy holidays to everyone! Here's my holiday gift! OMG! I'm not late this time. Yey! 
Yes, yes, that's me from the picture with my new hair. So, I got a new hair cut. I wanted it to look somewhat like Toshiya's haircut (his bangs, to be exact) but it kinda turned out differently from what I imagined it to be. My new hair looked in between Kikasa's (Due le Quartz's bassist) hair and Kana's hair. I also had it highlighted. I wanted a white highlight but according to ate Loi (the one who cut my hair and did the highlights and everything), it wont look good.
Here's a few pics of the highlights:
I haven't had a new hair style since college days. Now that I think about it, I look a lot more like when I was in college now? O_o The short bangs also reminded me of the days when I was still a young and innocent boy. My eyes are still shut off the world of yaoi, back then. Nyahaha! 
I also realized that aside from Mana, I could also do a Miyavi (back in his Due le Quartz era) and Kana cosplay. Kana is easier to cosplay since easier to imitate than a visual kei musician due to their elaborate style. But, of course, that's what makes me love them.
So, how's your holiday?
Equivalent Trade Principle
Equivalent Trade Principle:
Nothing gained is without sacrificing something of equal value.
I've always believed that when you want to attain something, you must sacrifice something in return. Likewise when you gave something, you expect something in return.
I never believed it when someone says, "I do not expect something in return." because when you give something, that same law applies. When you gave someone a gift for the holiday season, you are expecting something from that person in return. It might be just a simple thank you, a hug or a kiss. Even though it might not be something material like your gift, but even just a feeling of gratitude towards you, the bottom line there is that you were given something in return for what you gave. That too, is part of the law of equivalent trade.
Auction Phil Spammer
This is the topic of my rant today. The very repetitious, tiring event of the year, THE Model Contest. (Edit: My personal favorite Danica Joyce See did not win the contest. *sobs*)
Never mind the guy in the background. He is not as important as this. Yeah, yeah. He was some model that I don't know and don't hell care about. Whatever. Anyway, there was this spammer who posted ridiculously funny comments to each, I repeat, EACH model contestant's comment board.
IT HAS COME INTO OUR ATTENTION THAT MANY OF THE REGISTERED MEMBERS OF AUCTION.PH HAVE INVALID EMAIL ADDRESS.
THESE WILL OUTRIGHTLTY BE EXCLUDED IN THE FINAL TALLY OF VOTES WHICH WILL OCCUR ON THE 22TH OF DECEMBER.
TO AVOID DEDUCTIONS, MAKE SURE THAT THE EMAIL ADDRESS IS INDEED VALID. THANK YOU AND GOOD DAY. -AUCTION PHIL. MGT.
What the hell is wrong with this spammer? I don't know if he's stupid or just plain brainless or whatever. Let me list down my complaints:
- Auction Phil - what a lame name.
- It's not 22th It's 22nd. That's twenty-second not twenty-twoth? O_o Get your ass back to elementary!
- He types in all caps for heaven's sake. That makes him the most hateful of all hateful people.
- Auction.ph does not validate e-mails in the first place. What the heck is that "THESE WILL OUTRIGHTLTY BE EXCLUDED IN THE FINAL TALLY OF VOTES" shit?
- If that person indeed work for Auction.ph, how the heck will he remove those votes by "unvalidated e-mails"?
- Votes are tallied automatically by script. Is he thinking that I will be counting these votes manually? I don't have the time to count these shits, for the life of me. What does he think I am? Some super ingenious invention of a mega robot or something?
- If I work in Auction.ph, and that announcement was indeed by Auction.ph, would I post in the comment box? Of course not. First, I will need to inform ma'am Ria about it. Then, she'll be the one to ask the good 'ol CD and the lazy PD (moi), to change the stuffs and everything.
- And it took me, like forever to delete those damn comments. Less the fact that I am spending my precious limited time deleting his spams, for goodness' sake. I still have Coupon 15 to launch next week!
Ugh! I hate this spammer. I hope he dies a painful death. You know, some kinda him being run over by a truck or a train, being eaten to bits alive my ants or dogs, being shred to pieces by some machine or something.
I know, I'm creepy, I'm sorry. I'm just upset. And the rosary I bought isn't exactly the one I was expecting too. 
One Moment
My time, for a while,
Seemed as if it stopped.
My thoughts, in deep,
Seemed as if it went to blank.
I felt incredible uneasy.
I start suffocating.
The silence was deafening.
Yet, even a bit of noise is irritating.
The clock keeps ticking.
My heart beats are increasing.
My breathing becomes heavy.
Everything else becomes blurry.
The echoing sounds,
The perpetual repetition,
It makes me loose myself.
It drives me insane.
And in one moment,
A moment after chaos.
I stopped by for a while.
I stopped by to cry.
This Feeling...
With each moment that passed,
With each air I breathe in,
With each sound that rings,
With my every heartbeat.
This feeling,
I could not explain well in words.
I don't know where to begin,
I don't know where to end.
See a Doctor?
Whenever I try to think deep it, after a while, it seems that my mind would go blank. Whenever my mind would go blank, I would only see every thing as something white. It's as if I was trapped in a bright white room with only me in there and nothing else. I couldn't even see myself. Then, a while after, I would come back to my senses. I would try to breathe in as deep as I could after that. Then, I will gradually realized that I forgot to breathe in that short moment that my mind went blank as I was thinking. I couldn't also tell how long have I stopped breathing since I don't even realize that my mind went to blank, not until I came back to my senses.
This often happens. Sometimes, I am not even thinking and my mind would just go blank and same thing happens - I forget to breathe again. I think, this sort of practice is not healthy at all. Maybe I should see a doctor soon or something?
Euri (yu-ri) is a unique specie of the 
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