Destiny and Free Will
Tomorrow would be the start of our prelim exam and tonight, I MUST study. My grades are a bit... uh... just don't ask. Now, I'm starting to get a bit worried of our exam tomorrow... Would I pass? *sighs* Btw, I read the "An Atheist on Judgment Day" a while ago... O.O Totally speechless.
That reminds me, we were having our Rizal class a while ago, our instructor, at the middle of her discussion, said that all is pre-destined for us by God. Then one statement came to my mind, "If it is then pre-destined, then why do we still need the so-called free will He gave us?" Then, one of my classmates asked, "If so, why did He gave other people useless parents." (translated, but the same thought and rudeness of his question wasn't changed. By his term of "useless", he meant "irresponsible".) Then I thought, "Quite what I had in mind but not exactly." Our instructor then said, "God destined those parents to be good but it was on their own free will that these parents became irresponsible." I slightly agreed with what she said that it is the parents choice to be irresponsible but I disagreed about the destiny part. I wanted to comment but, did not because it is out of the topic. (We're in a Rizal class not a Christian Formation one.) And she also said, "If you intend to know more about thing such as this, I am not the right person for it. Go find yourself a priest." I was laughing hard at that moment when she said that, as I thought, "Should I also find a priest myself? My endless questions answered, just leads me deeper to another. And the more I question, the more I lose my faith than regain it." Complicated am I? Sometimes, I do not comprehend myself as well. Answers to my questions leads to another and then, to another and at it's end, it would conflict the first statement given. And my question? Still remained unanswered. Man's capacity of thinking is greatly astonishing...
Anyway, going back to my comments about what my instructor said...
"God destined those parents to be good but it was on their own free will that these parents became irresponsible."
If free will is then present, then, you can't call it destiny for destiny could not be altered. And having the Webster Dictionary to support me, "Destiny. The pre-determined, inevitable or irresistible course of events." Take for example you are born with a heart disease and as pre-determined by doctors, at the age of 20-30 you'll die. This is an example of destiny. You are destined to die at such a young age because of your sickness. No matter how much medicine you drink, no matter how much rest you take, when you are destined to die, you'll die. (No offense for Catholics...) Even if you pray a hundred times a day, kneel at every step to the altar, cry under the crucified Christ for three whole days and nights and kiss every saint you see along your way, when you are destined to die, you'll still die. If destiny could be altered by "free will" then the word "destiny" should be deleted from the dictionary and be buried eternally to oblivion. For what purpose does the word exist if the word couldn't live up to its meaning? Same goes to people, when you know this guy's lying to you and is not living up to what he1 was saying or at least, would you still believe him then? If so, you're stupid. You're just lying to yourself if you do. This is also why the quotation "Trust when lost, is hard to regain" was created by whoever created it. (Don't go telling me, God also created that quotation. I wouldn't believe you a bit.) Why would trust had to be lost if all people believes other people even if they know it isn't right anymore? I wouldn't just believe something because someone told me to. It just isn't right. Do you get my point? That's all I have to say. Comment as much as you like about what you think is right. Free will...
Sighs...
Last night was raining hard. The electricity died early so I wasn't able to make an entry. Mom bought three oil burners - two for my grandfather's altar and one for her room. I burned two incense last night because I like the smell. :P I went home early after class yesterday. We went to SM. She wanted to buy candle holders for her candles scattered all over her room. I bought her two glass made candle holders before but she wanted a bigger one. I suggested a Japanese plate for her candles and she also agreed. A while ago, she bought four packs of different kinds of decorative stones - also for her room decoration. *sighs* She never grew tired of putting this and that to her room. She also too my shoe cabinet at my room. She said that I don't use them anyway so might as well take it to her house. *sighs (again)* I don't use my room anyway, because it's hot. And I'm sleeping in her room.. :P My original room is almost empty now, the few things were left there were bed, cabinet, and desk. *sighs (again and again)* Btw, talked to DJRK the other night. Talked about ritual stuffs... Slept at around 2 AM because of Dean's assignment. Ah! *suddenly remembered something* My D-GEC! Wait! *search room* I lost my D-GEC (what's that? *devilish smile* you would just laugh really hard if you found out!) for last Friday's inventory! Where was that paper where I wrote that last Friday? Argh! Can't remember... *sighs (again and again and again)* Look! Our Emperor Flower! It bloomed! There are three of them at our garden but only two bloomed when I was still awake. :P
These flowers are really huge. That is why their stem couldn't hold them for a long time. They open for just a few hours and they bloom only at around 11PM to midnight. I was waiting for them to bloom and got pictures of them through my younger bro's cellphone. They smell good too! But sometimes, their sent is too strong.
Draw
Sometimes, seeing my own journal really amaze me. I never thought I could ever do anything of this sort. I started this just for pure fun and don't upload much entry but as time gone by, this journal became on of my everyday tasks. I can't actually write and my grammar's quite... uhm... well... ah... should I say, poor... and all I can do really was to draw. Come to think of it, since when did I learned how to draw? The credit is all given to my every Social Science class. :D I really drew a lot during that subject. On one account, the subject bored me a lot and our instructors at this subject are usually, old teachers. *sigh* At first my drawings are a bit... uhm... can't find the words... Let us put it this way, do you know stick man? LOLS! Kidding aside, I could only draw things what any kid could draw... Basically, from lines to circles to shapes and the most beautiful thing I could draw was just a rainbow. Our elementary books back then had a lot of pictures. Then, I started to trace them and trace them and trace them over and over again until I could draw them without copies. I keep on drawing the same thing until I grew tired of them. Then, I saw a Manga. Can't remember the title... It was an old one. It was the first Manga I had read. It was written in Chinese though... Then, I started drawing it again and again I had tried but no progress... So, I looked for another Manga whose characters are a bit easier to draw than the last one. And I found Ranma 1/2!! Then, I started to draw again. Still not satisfied, I bought a lot of anime magazines and try to draw them. Then, I learned how to draw. But now, I haven't drawn for quite long so, I'm trying to regain my lost talent. It seemed like it was 500 years now, since I last drew. *Sigh* Better make my assignment now or I will not finished it tonight. Assignments... so endless...
Imprudence
The passion of writing then again struck me this very moment. I seem to be quite pleased though a bit exhausted. I may appear a bit restless, but I could still write quite a bit longer enough to express my thought as of the moment. It has been quite a while since I read my mails and went to the forums to share my piece of thought to the world.
Very delighted I was an hour back having a conversation with that same being from the forum again. It seemed that despite his age, immaturity still lingers within him. Such rude comments he started and now, the first one to flee at the sight of flame. A disheartening fellow he is. Losing his moral fiber to someone who was mere expressing his thoughts. People who discriminate others and act immaculate of their own self-made sins on which they themselves commit, will solely find themselves lamenting in profound thoughts of irony. Sometimes, their words of idiocy amuse others but more often, they infuriate them.
Couldn't keep myself silent of ill-mannered people, thus, I decided to speak my thoughts out. I was composed while I reply to their posts and try to tell them that they couldn't force people to do everything as they wished. People have their own way of speech as well as their own freewill. But their feeble mind still couldn't comprehend and continuously affronting people of their blade sharp-words. Many had tried to ignore them but they stir up quite a commotion. I, of one, decided to stand up and confront them. I could care less if it was just for mere fun they do these indecorous deeds or they were just seeking out turmoil. If by chance you were at my shoes, would you do the same and fight for what you believe is right or just sit and ignore them as if they do not exist?
Happy 6th Year Anniversary!!
Yum! Just finished eating. Now, I face this computer again, journalizing. My speaker's fixed. The sound's quite loud here. Listening to my favorite band, Linkin Park again. Btw, a concert is near. Too bad, I can't watch. No one wants to come with me... :( My brother's doing something. But I want to watch.
A while ago, we rode a jeepney. The jeepney's driver asked us to find another jeepney to ride. Then, upon going down, that same jeepney bumped into a car. Khei was so scared but we we're all joking and telling her that she has a balat sa pwet (birthmark at her ass) and that she brought it today. LOLS!! As if you could remove it!! LOLS!! This reminds me, when I'm at PCV, computers there always either has defects, stuck or whatsoever... Remembered when She was just promoted to a higher rank there. She can't control herself and this resulted to every electrical circuits we passed on running out of control, the lights around us blinked, even the the weather went wild - a minute, sunny and hot and another minute, it's raining hard... Then I thought, did I do all this, unconciously?
A gift for me and My Bessy!! Today is our 6th year anniversary. Received a cake from her! Haven't eaten it yet... Maybe tomorrow... We didn't do much. Our movie watching was also postponed. WE were suppose to be going to SM to watch but it's raining quite hard... The rain just stopped around late this afternoon. I really want to watch Harry Potter. :-(
Went to Nepo instead and bought my mom a set of incense and candle holders. She asked me to buy them. Roaming around Nepo, one caught my eyes. I saw a manga, Ragnarok: Into the Abyss. And I immediately bought it. Not because it is a Ragnarok, but the "Norse Mythology" part caught my attention. I'm a sucker for these stuffs, you know that. Oh! Yeah! Before I forgot, did you saw Venus a while ago? They said you could see Venus crossing from the sun at around 4:00 PM. These info was from Khei. I did not. I was with Bessy!! :D
A Familiar Face
I can't seem to sleep that night I wonder why. I rose up to my feet and walked around at an unfamiliar room furnished with several antique Victorian styled furniture. The room was in white and gold, its windows, adorned with elegant curtains flowing down the fully carpeted floors. I suddenly thought of going out the terrace for the view - it was breathtaking. The entire village was filled with lights as if tiny fireflies in the darkest of forest. The wind then blew to my face as I close my eyes and feel the whispering breeze. I opened my eyes again and walked back inside and closed the terrace doors. I pulled down the rope that held the curtain to cover the doors as I unclothed myself, reached for the dresser, pulled out a dress and got changed. I suddenly noticed myself grasping the door's knob, slowly turning it and leaving the room.
As I left the room, I went pass a hall with beautiful art collection lined up beside each room's doors. The walls were ornamented with different paintings if not, crystal like wall sconce and the floor, carpeted in red. It was as if I was walking at a palace hall. As I was roaming around the halls looking at each and every one of the fine arts that lay there, I heard someone playing piano. I couldn't tell where it was from but I was pretty sure it was the sound of a piano. As I continued to walk following the music, I found the music lead me to a room with two great doors. I was curious, so I opened the door and tried to peek inside to see who was playing. A soft, gentle, manly voice then spoke, and asked me to come in. He didn't utter a word but something was telling me that he knew I was there even before I tried to peek. Although he asked me to come in, he still continued playing as if I were not there. I looked around the room to make myself less uneasy. The room was almost like the room I was from - the antique Victorian furniture and the fully carpeted floors. The half covered windows, however, are wider and taller. My eyes then glanced through it and saw the moon from it - full and beautiful. While my eyes roam the room, it passed through him. I wondered who he was but as I see it, I knew him from my dream. As I stared at him while he was playing, I couldn't refrain myself to look at his beautiful eyes. When he noticed I was staring at him, he closed his eyes, lowered down his head, and asked me not to stare at him. But I couldn't help it. He was beautiful. He asked me to take a sit and I did. It was the chair near the fireplace with another chair next to it and a table with a vase of red rose at the top. And a while later, the song was done. He served me tea and sat at the chair beside me. By his usage of words and etiquette, I could tell that he was of a wealthy up-bring. He held my hands and placed it at his chest as his head facing down. His tears then fell to my hands and quickly he wiped them away. I reached my hand and touched his face while wiping his tears. His arms then extended to my back and embraced me tight. He thanked me for being there as I returned his embrace...
Holy War
A while ago, I watched the news. There was this hotel at Saudi Arabia that was under terrorist attack. they said that 3 Filipinos died in that incident. And the terrorists were called "Jerusalem Brigade". Then this came into my mind. Isn't killing against Christian's God will as well as Muslim's Allah? Then why is there a thing called a "Holy War"? In my point of view, they shouldn't call it "Holy" if it's a war. A war only gives two results, dead people and people who wants revenge for their dead families. Why do they need to fight because of some beliefs? Why don't they just leave each other be of their beliefs and live their own life. A war is inhuman. It only brings tears, pain and more bloodshed. Kaya hindi na natapos yang "Holy War" na yan eh. Sino bang promotor niyan?
Cellphone Scare
Tinakot ako ni Jem kanina. I thought I lost my cell phone. He borrowed it and said that he already returned it. Well, he did and I said, "hold it for me for a while". Akala ko, nasa kanya kaya hindi ko na hinanap. Then, when I asked for it, he said, wala sa kanya! I was terrified to the bones. I didn't know what to do at that time. Then, he laughed hard and told me he was just scaring me. I almost killed him that moment (not literally) He said that it was a lesson for me not to leave it anywere else. Eh sinabi ko naman sa kanya na hold it for me for a while diba? Ewan ko ba dun! ^_^ ang kulit ni ya Rem!! Wala nga akong pera eh!! kinukulit-kulit ako!! This aftenoon, I went to bank to deposit my allowance that my mom borrowed for a while as well as my two brother's. Then, I went to pay for this and that and went home to watch Naruto!! I didn't saw my favorite character, Kakashi. But I saw my other favorite Gaara. This guy's a lunatic. When he wants something, he wants it. I read Rolfa's entries a while ago. They were posted at the forums. I wonder if she has a blog like this also...? Speaking of forum, remember those guys from the forum that has norrow minds that went on a rampage? Eto na naman sila. They never never grew tired. Again, as I had said, kung sanang hindi nila gusto, then just leave the forums and leave us be. Mamundok na lang kaya sila at magtanim ng kamote dun para may purpose sila sa mundo. Yes, I don't have the right to tell them this because I don't know them throughly. But by the way they act, grabe! I'm tired of all this. How can people listen to them when they themselves don't want to listen as well. They should consider other people first diba?
Change of Heart?
What?! Not again?! I'm getting several text messages lately from different numbers that isn't familiar to me. They keep on asking me if I could be their textmate. I don't chat in tv, I don't leave my number in boards or forums, I don't leave my number in desks, chairs, etc... so, where in the world could they get my number unless someone is giving them out right? Now, who in the hell is giving people out my number?! I changed my cell number just last few months ago. Tapos eto na naman. I always tell people I give my numbers to, not to give my number to anybody unless important. If they want it, ask it from me personally. Is that too much to comprehend? I didn't reply to those people but they're really bugging me a lot. They keep on sending me messages every now and then... Are they that desperate? There are a lot of people in the world. Why me?! This is one reason why I wasn't able to let go of "IT" so easily. I really dislike attention. All I wanted is to live a not so noticed life. I may not be much contented with what I am and what I have (especially with my spiritual life - it's a BIG mess), I wanted to fix things up... I wanted to have something or anything that I can be proud of. In my spiritual case, I'm considering Christianity for a thought... I need to start over from the beggining. I need to regain my faith first. Joining Christianity without the heart of being one is useless diba? It is like in drawing, you should think of what to draw first before drawing and of course drawing should be accompanied by heart right? Otherwise, you would be drawing a blank picture. "A painting is a reflection of it's painter's heart." Sabi nga ni mam Gie (our Philosophy instructor) "you should forget first what it is that you believed about something before you go on and learn something new. The new thing you just learned wouldn't be absorbed because there already exist a previous belief which contradicts the new one and you would keep on insisting your previous beliefs. This is where I got the title, btw... It was from the Yu-Gi-Oh PC Game.
A while ago, I went to a seminar for a new business. That business was the same one TN joined about 3 months ago although the office was from a different place. The company were the same as well as the owner (assuming as they said) He invested 8,800.00 PHP first at that business and it was turned okay after a few weeks. He was so exited and told us that he earned a huge amount in just about a few weeks and asked us if we wanted to join the business. My mom joined the seminar they held to know more about it and decided not to invest our money. Then TN went back to US to get more money to invest at that business and finally, when he went back here at the Philippines, he earned 120,000.000 more. And he was happy about it and went shopping to different places. Then, he decided to invest another 200,000.00 PHP at that business which was supposed to be doubled. But the money didn't came back and the business was lost. Then, just a few days before, my friend invited me to join. At first I didn't know that it was the same business, when I got to the seminar, I had this weird feeling that I heard the company name somewhere. Then when I went home and told everyone about it, they said that it was the same business.
When I heard this, I told him about that story... He didn't believe me. It was no surprized for me... He didn't believed anything I said before. Why should he now? I wanted to tell him that the business is a fraud but I don't have any proof to show and I wasn't at the situation when that happened also. When I realized this, I just stopped and said sorry. Why sorry? Sorry because I disturbed him at his peaceful and happy atmosphere. Sorry because it was my mistake in the first place and I shouldn't have said that the business is a fraud without any proof. Sorry I couln't talk him out of it. And If in case the business was really a fraud as I suspected it to be, then, sorry I didn't have the courage to continue keeping him from the business and saving his heart from the pain of losing his invesments. "It was his life. He lives on his own now and I live mine. Why should I care?" I always say this words but I always turned out doing the opposite thing. I wanted to yell at him that moment and tell him I was just trying to help him. That that money he invests was from his hard works would just go to waste if in case it was true. But all I said was a "Sorry" one word and it was just mere "Sorry." It was the same as before. I wanted to reach out and said "no" but then, I said "yes" to let him go... It was painful to see him walked away from you but it would be more painful to keep him by your side when he doesn't love you anymore...
A Friend's Birthday!
Hey! Today's my friend Jon's birthday! Happy Birthday JON!!
Jon is my friend that I met in a forum last year. We talked almost every night at YM then. Quite nice and sweet too. He was the a nice friend to know. Labasan ko ng sama ng loob yan! Bait! Sobra! He just arrived this May from Middle East (wherre he works) here at the Philippines. I didn't got to meet him in the Grand EB that say and of course wasn't around at his birthday too. Sorry... Can't leave here eh... *sob* *sob*
Enough with that, nothing much also happened today the same old schoodays I had, go to school, after, go home, sleep, watched Naruto and face the computer.
Euri (yu-ri) is a unique specie of the 
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