The Story
It was a few years back when I realized that I was odd. I do not have anything against humanity but then, I seem to hate people. I keep myself always in the library developing my fondness for books. And no, I am not nerd or a geek. I do not even have good grades for that matter, and nerd people have great ones. I just don't like noisy places and the library seems to fit my very description of the best place ever in a campus. When I was in elementary, I was studying in a school with a large population of students so no one notices me on which, on my part, I find great. But then, when I get to highschool, they moved me to a university that only accepts a maximum of 80 students per year level and so with a few population, people would surely notice you. Thus, I am always at the guidance counsilors office. Our guidance councilor was very kind. She has this very calm voice that makes me want to tell her everything I have in mind. I seem to be at peace when talking to her although I do not talk that much. So I practically go to her office as soon as the school bell rang. The following year, I just heard she got married and I never saw her again so I was again waisting my life in the library. My bestfriend then told me, that I have an odd personality and I just ignored it.
Our family business was at it's peak of falling off by those years and so I spend most of my time helping out at the shop. By the swing of chance, I met my mother's friend who was a psychologist. At first I ignored him. He told my mom, "Mabait itong batang to. Tahimik." (This child is kind. And quiet.) And then, he picked up my drawing book and ask me to draw anything I think of. I drew a man, a woman and at their back, a big house with curtains. And he told my mom, "Your child would be very lucky in her partner. He will always be at her side and would love her either way because she is different. She is classy and prefers things with elegance. Even people, she likes elegant people." My mom agreed and as usual, I ignored him. Little by little, I start to notice that he was right. My bed is always covered, I do not use cealing lights - only lamps, I like collecting wine glasses, my dolls all wear gowns or vintage dresses, my room is full of vases, well clothed tables etc. on which all of it were signs of being "classy". When I looked at my bestfriend, I noticed that she was the same as me. Her room is wrapped up with curtains, and covered beds, lamps and so on. And I realized it was true. A few months then, another one of my mom's friends visited. He saw my drawing book and turned their pages and saw my sketches. He was shocked and stared at me. He saw the man I drew - a man crawing, bleeding and moaning of pain. And others with him, are burning. Yes, it was my personal perception of what Hell is. He said they were scary and he never thought that such girl at a young age would draw something as macabre as that. And I ignored him simply for his ignorance of art. Then, he told my mom and my mom starts to think that I am odd as well. I ignored them until I realized that I do. Aside from the shifting of moods every now and then, I start to get a little too much of a paranoid. I hate people when they talk to me. I wanted to be left alone always. I only wanted to read and nothing more. I started to think spirits exists and I am one of them. I do wicthcrafts and things related to it, etc. So I went to take a personality test and found I have an DID. I was so frightened that I do not want to admit myself that I did. Yes, I was afraid of rejection and I was so afraid that the only people I wanted to be with would leave me and locked me up alone somewhere because I am insane or so I belived that way. So I strived to change myself even to the extent of wearing a mask, I took the risk. And I wore it for years. I could only hold on to that mask I used to cover up that part of me that I am so afraid to let people see.
He. He see through me. He woke me up from this dream world and brought me to reality. I cried so bad when I realized I was so wrong and so hopeless. Yet, he never left my side. The odd thing about it, he left me when I was already alright and carrying on with my life, happy and unmasked. It hurt me so bad that constantly drived me close to insanity. I closed my doors to reason, I rejected every possible rationalism that I have ever left with me because I was angry. So angry and jealous that I felt the need to blame it on someone. And I blamed it all on Randy. I hated Randy best of all not because he was Born Again and I hated Born Again because they reject me. It's because he seem to get my beloved's attention as I feel that he's taking him away from me. He's the only thing I ever loved, wanted and craved for. Until one day, I just grew up and realized my mistakes, admit them with tears streaming down from me, and ask forgiveness.
It was at those times when I found out who my real friends were from those that just pretended to care. Of course, it hurt just as bad, but then, it seemed that my heart numb from all of it - all of it at once.
To end my story, I got what I wanted most. I got him back and I am happy.
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Euri (yu-ri) is a unique specie of the 
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February 2nd 2006 at 4:18 pm
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful ;)
I'm glad that you are alright now... or not ;)
Just know that the "inner circle" cares for you...
Regards,
The Prize
February 2nd 2006 at 8:55 pm
The inner circle was always there for me. It has always been my best prize. And my Ferione, the greatest prize ever!
February 2nd 2006 at 10:36 pm
I'm a real friend!!!!
^_______^;
Anyway I don't think you should TRUST those ehhhvil personality tests o___o They're fun to take though XDXD~ They all say I am insane. INSANE!!!! They say that about ME!!! o__o Fear my ehhhvil insanity. o__o;
Sometimes I wonder about hell though. o_o; Like what it looks like. Maybe it looks exactly like your pictures! That would be weird!!
Anyway, I hope you feel better about everything. MUAH! [:
OH and one more thing. I LOVE THE LIBRARY TOOOOO!! I love reading!!! Except at my school they make you read books that are only in your reading level which is retarded because mostly everybody has a high school/college reading level and all those books are dumb and boring so we read the other books instead :D I love reading, I plan to be an author someday x]
Oh and one more thing again. Heh. Your mom's second friend is weird. o_o People can draw whatever they like.
February 2nd 2006 at 10:37 pm
OH and I just realized one more thing! XD we look alike!!!! ^_^
February 3rd 2006 at 4:36 am
You finally found your way back.. :D
February 3rd 2006 at 8:31 am
OMFG!! O_O
Yes. ;)
February 3rd 2006 at 1:07 pm
thank you for sharing this with us Euri. :) I want you to know that I'm your friend and kung kaylangan mo ng kausap, I'll always be here. One text away ;) Alam mo, lahat naman tayo may kanya kanyang oddness satin...bakit ba kaylangan mag label? Para sakin kung masaya ka sa ginagawa mo, then keep on doing it.
Ako din, mahilig ako magbasa...wala sa mukha...kala nilang lahat airhead ako. In a way nakakarelate ako sayo kasi kahit ako madalas ma judge ng tao. Sayo sinasabi nila na your "odd" ako naman ay ditzy airhead sa paningin nila. Wala na rin ko pakielam ngayon kung ano isipin nila sakin. Basta happy ako ang kasama ko friends ko na talagang kilala ako.
I'm so glad na happy ka na ngayon. Sana tuloy tuloy na yan...basta, remember that maraming tao sa www na nagmamahal sayo. :) take care hun!
February 3rd 2006 at 5:42 pm
I am a born again Christian and I have never rejected you. Actually, If you look at the sides... Born again Christians don't reject you. We are reaching out to you but you are running away far from us. To make it clear.
Now maybe the reason why you said you are being rejected because once a born again talks to you... you will feel the feeling of they are superior than you. I understand because before, (When I was not yet a born again Christian) I used to think of that way too. I hated it everytime these "bor-bolens" tells me what is right and what is wrong. Although they said it was because they care... still I don't understand and I was so angry at them.
But, in all honesty... They really cared for me. If they don't care, they wouldn't waste time sharing this God who died on the cross for my sins, who paid the prize for me. (Which of course I don't deserve because even I am a christian right now I still fall and commit sins).
Then the words in one of my devotional books said,
This is the reason why Jesus died in the first place.. hehe.. nakikialam kasi siya. Not because He wants to feel superior. But because He cares.
Everything else will vanished one day.. even him.. even my Philip. But HE the real HE will never ever fade away.
Again, Born again Christians like me, don't reject you. You just can't accept sometimes that their words are sharper than any two edge sword and if you apply it on your lives, you'll see the changes. We don't reject you. You are running away from us. We don't hate you.
- Ate Chette
February 3rd 2006 at 5:43 pm
*price
February 3rd 2006 at 6:36 pm
You are not even a Born Again Christian yet at that time.
That is for me to decide on. Of course, as far as you people know, you don't. But what about those people you reject and those people who saw?
I never felt inferior to the likes of your kind. I'm very sorry if you feel offended for the rude words but for the lack of better term, that's how it is.
Sharing, is different from mocking. Rebuking maybe a part of sharing, but insulting is another thing. Think about it.
And one more thing, Catholics - they are not Satanist nor associated with Satan as you BA people claim. It's just a different belief and practices with the same God.
February 3rd 2006 at 8:07 pm
Things like those are always hard to admit. I'm just proud Euri was able to conquer that.
If you want a bibliophile to talk with, you have one --- right here. =) By the way, your drawing about your own concept of hell, it reminds me so much of Dante's Inferno! xD Have you read it? I recommend it. =)
February 3rd 2006 at 11:00 pm
Masakit ang katotohanan.
If you hate us it's okay. But we don't hate you.
God bless
February 3rd 2006 at 11:06 pm
I haven't. I wanted to as soon as I find myself a copy of Cicero's "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum" (On the Ends of Goods and Evils). I just read a short verse from some site and it draws my thirst for masterpieces. Ha!
February 3rd 2006 at 11:22 pm
And so you do admit that you insult other people's religion. Who on Earth do you think you are? You do not have that right to call other people "demons" as so you wished. You are not even GOD. If I would be God, I had slapped your faces. For heaven's sake, look at yourselves and honestly tell me, is that a Christian thing to do?
I start to wonder if you are really reading my post. This is about me and how I had been carrying my cross all this time. It's not about how I hate your kind and this is not the place to sell your religion. Crystal clear.
February 4th 2006 at 2:45 am
aww I see well hmm how to put it in words goodness so much has happened to you awww *hugzs* well I'm glad your happy I not a big christian myself I was never baptised I never went to church but in england (we're multi some thing bleh english!) there are so many religions it doesn't matter what one you are you'd have been excepted! I felt the same when I first started high school I never fitted in but I found people who were just like me and sure I did a lot of stupid things like slitting my wrists but my family gave me a big talking to and I realised it wasn't me I started to feel less scared of every thing and dressed the way I wanted to not careing about what other people thought and now I suppose I am happier then I was ever! so we will all find happiness its just the ways we find it!
Luv ya Bexxxxxxxxxxxx
February 4th 2006 at 2:55 am
didn't jesus die for our sins so we could start over? Oh I see yh he did care but he was God himself so they all kinda care ah bleh lol
February 4th 2006 at 5:58 pm
Here's what I have to say with the "debate" in here.
One's religion should be treated with relativity. Buddhists don't exactly believe in a supreme being, does that make them satanists?
To label one (or a certain group of people like the Catholics) is a "sin" at all. Think about Lazarus, Zacharias, Mary Magdalene; did Jesus even made them subjects of his contempt? I don't think so.
Labeling Catholics as satanists and 'claiming' that you don't reject anyone is definitely and palpably ABSURD. Labeling is a sign of rejection.
Peace out.
Put in mind that the world we live in is very much diversified. Much diversified than we think it is.
February 4th 2006 at 6:30 pm
Well said, Tam. I could never have said it better. :)