Archive for February, 2008
Psuedo Intellectual
WTF? I don't need to compare myself to YOU. If you think that I'm a person who belong the lower IQ population, then you are free to think whatever you like. I will not even demand that you see me at a higher level since I am well aware that I've graduated from AMA. Yeah, that fucking AMA where attendance is all you need to pass. I don't give a damn if you study at UP and thinks so that only UP students have the ability to meet your standards in a conversation. Let me get this fucking straight with you and please inject it to your brain that's already too big to handle all those education bullshit you're yapping about - I don't even want to talk to you in the first place. I would rather talk to those with lower IQs like me and have a pointless, senseless conversation and enjoy myself than talk to some pseudo intellectual, pretending to be oh so intelligent type like you.
As I had told Najo, hindi ako pwedeng makipag pataasan sayo ng ihi, dahil wala naman akong titi.
I'm NOT an Emo
Hi! You're a pure blood emo, I see.
It's been like years, I suppose, since I read that comment from I can't remember heck where and whom it was from. I ignored it because it's the kind to be ignored and thrown out of the window. Yet, for some reason, there has been an evolution with the emo god and emos all around the country are like plagues, you know. Even gays who were usually kikay (feminist - pink, flower and ribbons type) are wearing tight jeans and long bangs and calling themselves "emo" now. I have nothing against emos. At some point, I support them even. Because I know how they feel and such and how society treats them like trash. But you know, it's not that society treats them like trash, it's just them thinking that way. And even if society treats them like trash, they care too much of what other people think.
Anyway, going back to my complaint, I will say this once and for all and for the people out there who doesn't know what their talking about, I AM NOT AN EMO. Got that? I refuse to be coined as someone who has too much of what I lack. And what heck is with this "pure blood" shit? Is there even a pure blood emo in the first place? What do you call the not so pure blood then? Half blood? I am pathetic, I know, but I wont go that far as to kill myself because it'll make me look even more pathetic when I give up. I do admit that if I would be given a chance, I would've gave up my virginity to the devil for a price or better yet, sold my soul to him for tons of money that I would spend over to buy a concert ticket with backstage pass for X Japan's Reunion Concert in Tokyo Dome this March 28th and 30th, but slicing my wrist for the purpose of "nobody loves me" - that's bullshit. Why would I scar my smooth skin and waste a drop of my beautiful, warm crimson blood? I would rather drink it. So what the heck am I? I'm a pure blood vampire who hails before sexy bishonen. A lover of the dark who collects anything with the word "dead" in it.
In all honesty, every single time I was called an emo, I felt insulted and at some point, I feel disgusted with people. Just because emos and goths look slightly alike, it doesn't mean they're the same. It's like their saying hawks and eagles are the same. But then, thinking about how the emo invasion has been going around these days, it makes think that people just doesn't know what their talking about. It's like all the people who wears black are now emo. But then again, thinking about the fact that we all live in the dark side of the world, and like us, they're being rejected too, it makes my disgust less and less. But then again, I still refused to be called an emo. Maybe because I just couldn't let go of that idea that I'm like an aristocrat being mixed with peasants and commoners. In other words, it's just my goddamn pride that's running.
But with all these acceptance and such, I am still not in any bit of favor for emo music. I've heard songs from classical down to heavy metal but my opinion of them stays the same - they simply suck.
Link Tag
Tagged by Kath
Various Career Opportunities
I read this message just now and it's from some guy named Cloyd.
Just in case anyone would be interested...
Valentines 2008
Happy Valentines Day!
First things first, here's my Valentines gift. I wasn't able to give you guys a Happy Lunar New Year gift, this year because I am not happy because my grandma's in the hospital and all. As usual, click the image to get it.
This valentines, as a treat, let me share a few things:
Who the heck sent Nicole those flowers?!
If you're reading Pwn Intended, you would be able to relate. If you're not, get your ass there and read it! It's hilarious, it's crazy and I couldn't wait for the next issue. I always feel like this when reading manga. Especially Skip Beat and Vampire Knight. Damn those mangas, they drive me insane! What the hell happened to Ren and Kyouko now? I don't like Shou one god damn bit and since Reino (he's my most loved character <3) is just an extra character, therefore, I go for RenxKyouko pairing. And in Vampire Knight's case... Kaname!! If yuki-chan doesn't want you, I want you! <3 *lmao*
And of course, I would like to share my love songs top 3 the Visual Kei way (since it's valentines and all)!
Visual Kei Love Songs Top 3
Note: These are not your average mushy love songs. I HATE mushy love songs, they sound so fake. These are mostly ballad love songs that reflects people's true feelings - pain and regret. :)
- Forever Love by X Japan
My all time favorite song. I never know how to find words to describe this song. - Endless Rain by X Japan
This song is beautiful. I describes how much pain a person feels when someone leaves - it's like the sun won't be shining anymore or something. Btw, I'm also advertising - please watch Saw IV! X Japan's reunion single is there! Composed by my beloved Yoshiki, of course! - Le Ciel by Malice Mizer
The lyrics and the PV of this song is very intriguing. It tells an love story between an angel-like creature and a poor (beggar) human - of course it's a metaphor. There's a part of me that gives the thought that the idea there, is that their difference is too far and that the other one came at the right moment or something. But then, while watching the PV, it gave me a feeling that it also might not be love song like the lyrics starts so. When Gackt (angel-like creature) took the girl's (beggar) hand, it gave me an impression that Gackt might be like a God or something divine and that she took the girl's suffering away from her. And then, at the end, it lead me back to the idea that it might be a love song that reflects that same idea from above - he came at the right moment in her life or something. But then, at the end, he can't do anything and so he left which gave me the thought that despite how much you love and needed each other, love alone isn't always enough to keep it together and that soon enough, you'll have to let go.
Doctors Are Not Gods
I don't wanna blame the doctors for not being able to see the cause of grandma's bleeding. Because I know they did everything they could possibly do. And that I know that doctors are not gods that could grant people's lives and heal them in a blink of an eye. Like us, doctors are humans too, they might be level headed most of the time, but they feel people's pain too. They know how hard it is for the family, because they themselves have families of their own. It's just that they chose to be level headed to save lives rather than freaking and just crying in a nook bitching pathetic things and blaming others for their own weakness.
Seriously, if people have the time to cry because they feel pain, why not find ways to go through it? If you don't wanna risk anything, then you could just rot in there and blame yourself for being pathetic.
I am not strong. I am not emotionless either. It's just that I chose not to let my emotions affect my judgment. Because when emotions comes in, all logic goes out the window and all you can see is yourself, how you feel, and how deep your pain is. In one word, it's selfishness.
Yesterday
Yesterday, my grandma was discharged from the hospital. Still, even after tons of examination done, they still can't find where her bleeding is. Well, she lost about 5 packs of blood (about half of the blood a normal human has) and continuously loosing them along the way. The doctors, even my Gastro-something doctor of a cousin says that the bleeding "might be" in the small intestine. But knowing Philippines as a third world country, even St. Luke doesn't have that apparatus they use to peek through the small intestine. As far as we were told, the only places that has this said apparatus are the US, of course, Hong Kong, and some other country that I forgot. So basically, our only option left is to bring her to the hospital every week for a check up and to get her a new pack of blood, if it's needed.
With all these happening, it amazes me of how fast news could travel and reach people that were thought of as "long forgotten no news or whatsoever and can't be contacted anymore" which are my uncles and aunts who came by for a visit. It also amazes me of how old people could be so childish as to crack a joke that isn't even funny. But what amazes me most is that for the sake of a person she loves so much, someone with such a high pride could actually bear the insult.
Last Week
Mid last week, Lolo's wife, Tita Rita, was sent to the hospital. Lolo's face reflected both pain and relief. Pain for what happened to Tita Rita and relief that she's fine after the examinations. Seeing Lolo's face that week made me think hard and wonder. If I would be in such a tight situation, with mixed feelings, where I'm stuck in the middle and do not know where to go, where no matter how hard I try, I couldn't do anything but to stand by and watch someone painfully and wait, I wondered then if would I call on His name for help and once again and start to believe that there's someone somewhere who's watching.
Last Saturday morning, we received a call from my cousin, Yan that our grandmother was sent to the ER. Luckily, I was done with the moving, arranging and cleaning of my stuffs to my new pad that Friday night. We rushed to the hospital to find out what happened and how she's doing so far. When we arrive, she can't move nor speak. Her eyes were open but she doesn't recognize us. It's as if she doesn't even see us. We stayed there for a few hours and left right after. While on the way home, I thought that feeling that same pain was very quick to hit me back. I'm on that edge of being helpless again where I can't do anything but stay silent and wait for the results. The feeling of those hours were like years and waiting for those decade-like days were painful that it nulled my entire body. Then and there, it reminded me of that same thought I was having - on this same situation, would I end up kneeling down and pray?
Then, the next day, as we were talking with my cousin, she was saying that at worst case, she could end up in a comma. If that would be the case, she says, she would be better off dead than in pain. I agree to her point that if she would live the remains of hr life in pain, it would be better for her to just die instead of suffer, but of course, I remained silent. My mom, however, disagreed and went on a rampage. She said, who are we to question what God has decided. God gave her life, who are we to just take it like that. I wanted to tell her that if God gave her a life where she suffers so much pain and she doesn't even have a choice but to just accept it, where she can't even move for a fact, then God is cruel. But of course, like usual, I remained silent. As they were arguing in the phone, I left to take a bath. As I was in deep thoughts and wondering what would happen in a few days and thought if somewhere deep inside me, do I still believe in God? After a while of thinking, as I was drying myself, I realized that a divine being, no matter how small or big something came to me, is something I will no longer have faith in. Evey single thing, no matter the size of it, it will need our own efforts, our own strength to go through and putting it all up to a divine being would be the same as having someone by your side. Having God hear your burdens is the same as sharing your pains with your friends and family. To make it simpler, it's like wanting someone to hear you and be there for you to make you feel a little better.
Then and there, I thought that if God was real, I would feel pity over him. That people just call unto him whenever it is convenient for them. When people are at the edge of everything else, they would remember to call his name, other than that, it's as if, he isn't even there.
PS: My grandma's fine now. :)
Euri (yu-ri) is a unique specie of the 
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